to love me is to love the lack of me (stolen from Jeckster) :3

*The Basics*
Name:: LIMUS (not for real lol)
Sex:: male.
Birthday:: Feb. 14th
Age:: 19
Location:: in your heart and mind :P
Hair Color:: Black.
Eye Color:: Brown.

*My Eating Disorder*
What Eating Disorders Do You Have:: Text book Anorexia
Why Do You Have An Eating Disorder:: it's my road to beauty and strength, it's got my back when I'm up against a wall, it speaks to me when I feel I have no friends, it's as much a part of me as my lungs or my eyes, for me it feels normal... or as close to normal as i have ever been.
Are You Proud or Ashamed of Your Eating Disorder:: I don't want anyone except those on this blog to ever know about it, so I guess I am a little ashamed :/
Do People Know About Your Eating Disorder:: only my best friend, she's struggled with Bulimia in the past.
Do You Wish People Knew About it:: no. no. no.
Do You Wish You Never Had An Eating Disorder:: only when people pry into why I don't eat this or that :P
Do You Think The Media is Partially Responsible For Your Eating Disorder:: haha, I highly doubt it.

*My Body*
Weight Before Eating Disorder:: 140
Height: 5'9’’
Current Weight:: 122.
Highest Weight:: 140.
Lowest Weight:: ... my cw.
Are You Tired A lot:: when I don't have my coffee, I'm in zombie mode.
Have You Ever Fainted:: nope :))
Are You Cold All The Time:: yes, I'm a popsicle
Do Your Ribs Show:: yuppers :3
Do Your Hipbones Show:: yup, but I don't know if I feel that's attractive ;3
Does Your Collar Bone Show:: yup, I'm quite proud of it actually.
Can You See Your Ribs Through Your Back:: yes.
Do Your Thighs Touch:: thank god no.
Chest Size:: i dunno, but I'm guessing about 25 inches.
Does Your Head Look Too Big For Your Body:: probs >.<
Are You Satisfied With The Way You Look Now:: as if.
If You Could, What Would You Change About Yourself:: my sausage fingers and the last bit of chub on my triceps.
What Is Your B.M.I.:: 18.5....ugh.
What Do The Doctors Say is Your Ideal Weight::I avoid the doc at all costs :3
What Do You Think Is Your Ideal Weight:: I'll know when i reach it.

*My Thinspirations*
Who Are Your Thinspirations:: I have two basic types: boys with olive skin and dark hair that smoke cigarettes (Ash stymest), and blonde boys with milky skin that could pass for a ghost or an angel, both stick thin.
Who is Your Favorite Thinspiration:: Ash Stymest <3 <3 <3
Who is Your Second Favorite Thinspiration:: the mirror, it reveals all that I need to change :)
Why Do You Envy Them:: well, they're thin of course. and they appear untouchable almost as if they live in a world all their own.
What's The Best Thing About Them:: they look like the models certain groups drool over, and they know it ^_-.
What's The Worst Thing About Them:: i've never met them.
Would You Trade Places With Them If You Could:: probably not, I want my progress and my thinness to be my own.

*My Mind*
Do You Consider Your Eating Disorder a 'Disorder':: nope :3 it's not an eating disorder, it's just disorderly eating.
Are You Pro-Ana/Pro-Mia:: I'm pretty sure I am although, I don't know the exact definition.
Would You Ever Want Your Best Friend To Have An Eating Disorder:: she use to, but I'm happy that she no longer does. she's the world to me, and I want her to be content with who she is with every fiber of my being.
What Are Your Disordered Eating Habits:: food restriction, mild laxative abuse, fiber supplement abuse, calorie counting, hiding food that I don't eat, pretending to eat, smelling food instead of eating it, smoking cigs in replacement of meals, obsessive exercise,
Are You Obsessive Compulsive:: about certain things, yes.
Are You A Perfectionist:: about my painting, my poetry, and my body :p
Do You Have Depression:: I hope not <.<
Are You A Cutter:: no, my best friend also use to cut. she even tried to kill herself by slitting her wrists and was institutionalized for a month. I'll never do that.
Have You Ever Been Suicidal:: a little, I think it was a phase.
Have You Ever Attempted Suicide:: no, but I had a plan.
Have You Ever Been Hospitalized For Mental Reasons:: nope ^.^
Have You Ever Been Hospitalized For Your Eating Disorder:: god no.
Do You Have Body Dismorphic Disorder:: I've never been diagnosed, but I'm never too pleased with the boy in the mirror.

*Your Life Outside Your Disorder*
Favorite Color:: Purple.
Favorite Movie:: The Fountain.
Favorite Book:: Soma.
Favorite T.V. Show:: Futurama.
Favorite Season:: summer, hands down.
Favorite Day of The Week:: Fridays :).
Favorite Time Of Day::. night time, as soon as it gets dark to whenever the sun comes up.
Favorite Holiday:: Valentines day = my birthday :))
Favorite Hobby:: art and poetry
Favorite Actor:: mmmm, I dunno.
Favorite Actress:: Winona Ryder, Christina Ricci, and Helena Bonham Carter
Favorite Musician:: the Gorillaz, oh god <3.
Do You Have Any Pets:: my cat :3
What Do You Like To Do In Your Spare Time:: anything crafty.

*The Future*
What Do You Want To Study In College:: art, philosophy, anthropology, psychology.
What Career Do You Want:: ....ugh, does anyone know at my age?
Do You Ever Want To Get Married:: maybe some day,
Do You Ever Want Kids:: yes, I love kids, they can brighten the darkest situation :)
Where Do You Want To Live:: with weed-smoking hippies XD
Will You Have Any Pets:: yes, a unicorn.
What Type of House Do You Want:: I'll know when I see it, a hallelujah chorus will sound when i lay eyes on it :3
What Goals Do You Have That Are Unrelated To Your Eating Disorder:: have my art shown in a high end gallery, travel the world, meet the love of my life, all that jazz ^^
What's Your Number One Priority:: thinner and thinnest.
How Do You Think You Will Die:: I won't. I'll live forever.
When Do You Think You WIll Die:: whenever forever ends.
Will You Be Missed By Anyone:: I'm sure everyone has at least one person who misses them when they aren't there.
Will You Have Any Regrets:: no, I live my life without regret.
Will You Have Any Unfinished Business:: no, whenever I die, I'll become a part of the energy that is the world. I'll meld into anything that I've ever loved and I'll mix with everything that I've ever known.
Will Your eating disorder still be affecting you:: is that possible?


-LIMUS-

I'll be brighter and better than I once was

yesterday's meal:
- A cup of coffee (black)
- a zero calorie vitamin water
- 2 menthol cigarettes

Today's Mantra:
"order from disorder"

Today's thinspiration:

I'll definitely be posting again today to keep my mind off food,
lot's o love,
-LIMUS-

I'm a burning star, and this space is so cold.

last night I went to the 20th birthday party for a friend of mine.
naturally, I downed some whiskey when I saw everyone else getting their buzz on.
the only thing was, I hadn't eaten for about 2 days.
I wasn't able to sleep that night because my tummy felt so upset,
and immediately the next morning, I dry-heaved nothing into the toilet for about 15 good minutes.
I turned on the faucet in a desperate attempt to keep them from hearing.
it sucked.

I need to be smarter about losing this weight.
It felt really weird: my stomach was on fire, but the bathroom floor was so very cold.

Caffeine and fiber

I'm 19, I weigh roughly 124 pounds and I'm 5'9''.
which, in my opinion is too damn heavy.
I wanna be airy and ethereal, like a ghost or a plume of smoke dancing upon wind.
I want to be a whisper, I want to be thread thin.

so, my current goal is 115 lbs.
that means I need to lose about 8 lbs.
the thing is I've been rather lazy about watching myself,
what I eat, how much I work out, ect.
basically I feel like a disgusting pig stuffing my face whenever the chance arises.
but I'm deciding to buckle down now, thus the birth of this blog.

two tricks I'm employing to wean myself of food:
(I do not encourage nor advocate these behaviors)
1) Caffeine: I drink it black to minimize calorie intake.
caffeine increases metabolism and helps you stay awake/ function without eating.
but watch out! if you drink too much while fasting, you'll become insanely jittery >.<
2) Fiber: I use a powder supplement from the makers of Metamucil. It has 20% of your daily fiber in one serving and only 25 calories. I mix mine into a glass of orange juice :3 fiber also helps with metabolism by cleaning out our intestines, and it helps move things along when you do eat.

right now I'm a bit jittery from too much coffee (I only had one cup) damn >.<
but at least I'm not passing out :)

P.S. I've posted a current pic of my torso, hopefully this will help me track the progress I'm making :3
bye for now, lots of love,

-LIMUS-